Writers – What Not To Say

celebration-3301738_1920
Top Tip: You can do a practice run with some old teddy bears

When you write books, people are gonna want to ask you stuff.  It is very important that you LIE when answering these questions.  Lie through your teeth and don’t ever let them find out the truth.  As a helpful resource, I’ve put together a mock interview, a mockterview if you will, to guide you through  it.

 

 

 

  • Do you have a writing routine?

Yes. I like to see how long I can spend not writing before the guilt kicks in.  Then I simply distract myself with the kind of housework I wouldn’t normally do if my life depended on it… like cleaning the oven, descaling the kettle, washing my make-up brushes or, worst of all, clearing out THE DRAWER OF NO RETURN.

 

  • Where do you get your ideas from?

Right at the back of THE DRAWER OF NO RETURN.

 

  • So can you tell us what your new book is about?

Oh.  Holy.  Jesus.

 

  • What’s your favourite part about writing?

The ‘not writing’ part.

 

  • What do you tend to wear when writing?

Um, Chanel No.5? And the elasticated pants I’ve been threatening to throw out for two years.

 

  • Who are your favourite authors?

Woah, hey,  I’m not here to promote other peoples’ work!

 

  • How do you handle bad reviews?

Very well actually.  I’m a big believer in karma.  But just in case karma is busy, I simply fashion a home-made punching bag with the offender’s avatar taped on the front and take care of business myself.

 

  • What can readers expect from you in the future?

Bitter disappointment?  Long periods of idleness?  It’s hard to say.

 

 

  • Did you always want to be a writer?

Yes, but then I’d never written anything, so I didn’t know any better.  Reading books and thinking you want to be a writer is like watching the winter olympics and thinking you want to be an ice-skater… Then you realise how unbelievably slippy ice is!  (It’s like, really slippy).

 

  • Any advice for budding authors?

Yes. RUN!

So You Want To Be A Writer…

writing-828911_1280

I sometimes wonder what kind of advice would have helped me five years ago, before publishing my first book.  Or if I would have heeded any of it.  With that in mind, here’s a little checklist for anyone starting out on their writing journey…

  1. Get a good chair.

    I have done my best to ignore this advice over the years and on the plus side, I now have personal experience of the adage ‘buy cheap, buy twice.’  You will be spending quite a lot of time in your chair, so try to invest a decent amount in it.  Having said that (cue adage number two) ‘sitting is the new smoking’.  So the current wisdom is to have a standing desk, or better yet, switch between the two.  Just try not to sit in the same spot for hours on end wasting time on social media  writing your book.

  2. It won’t happen overnight.

    We’d all like it to happen overnight, but chances are, it won’t.  Even if it looks like authors are coming from out of nowhere with huge success, just Google them.  You’ll see it’s probably their third book, or their first book after years of rejections and unpublished books.  The same goes for writing income.  It can take years to start seeing any kind of decent return on your books and it definitely takes more than one book to build a ‘brand’.  Remember, people are buying into you, the writer, as much as they are your book.  You’ve got to show them that you’re going to stick around, that this is your thing.  I know it’s frustrating when you see other people signing deals, but be patient, your time will come.  Really.

  3. Rejection is the stone on which you will sharpen your skills.

    Rejection tells you, in no uncertain terms, you have more work to do.  It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, but it might mean you’re not good enough yet.  Boy am I glad my first book got rejected.  There was a lot of good things in that novel, but in terms of my skills as a writer, it was unquestionably beginners level.  I learned so much from writing it and I learned even more from all of the rejections it garnered.  Rejection tells you whether or not you really want to become a writer, if you really have the commitment it takes to get better at it.  For a while, I thought I didn’t.  But the urge wouldn’t leave until I started a second novel (The Heirloom).  And when that didn’t get published, I published it myself.  It’s now in the top 20 bestseller list on Amazon US.

  4. Keep your eyes peeled.

    Everybody can list off the big publishing houses, but for new authors, it behooves you to become acquainted with the smaller publishers, the indies and digital imprints.  They are the ones who are better placed to take chances on new authors.  Off the top of my head, I can think of several writers who are getting deals right now with publishers like Bloodhound Books, Bookouture, Black and White, Orenda and of course my own publisher, Urbane.  It’s an exciting time in publishing with new platforms popping up all the time, like the crowdfunding publisher Unbound.  Keep in touch with the writing community online so you’ll be ready for opportunities when they come along.  Sometimes it’s all about luck, being in the right place at the right time (with the right book!).

  5. Write what you love.

    It can take a year or more to write a novel, so it may as well be a subject you are passionate about.   The research alone makes this worthwhile – I can’t imagine spending months reading up on a subject I’m not that interested in.  You will be sharing your life with this story for quite some time, so make it about something you LOVE!  Find your own voice and be authentic – you don’t need to imitate what’s already out there, create something new and original.

  6. There is more than one road to getting published.

    For some it’s self-publishing, for some it’s finding an agent, for others a traditional publisher.  There are authors who credit their creative writing groups and MA’s for their success, still more who claim that writing courses merely delay the inevitable – actually writing the book.  Everyone is different – I’m more of a lone wolf and that’s what suits me.  We’re all susceptible to looking at what everyone else is doing and wondering if what we’re doing is right, but I don’t think there is a right or a wrong, just different choices.  Find what works for you.  Just keep writing, don’t compromise and remember, if you don’t tell this story, no-one else will.

So here I am, 2018 with my third novel due for release in June.  Even typing those words is a bit surreal.  I had no clue what I was getting into all those years ago and maybe it was just as well.  Like most journeys in life, I think you need a healthy amount of blind faith starting out.  And a stubborn refusal to give up.  So that’s what I would tell my past self – keep being stubborn and don’t give up.  And don’t buy that crap chair.

The_Story_Collector_7.indd

The Story Collector

Available to pre-order on Amazon

The Dreaded Question – What’s Your Book About?

Evie Irish TimesIn a recent article I wrote for The Irish Times, I set out to examine why writers find the question ‘What’s your book about?’ so tricky to answer.  Apart from filling your cheeks with air and slowly forcing it out through your mouth, what can you say about the behemoth that has taken over your life for the last few months/years?

And that is the conundrum that is the creative process. We’re not entirely sure how we do it. It’s such a fragile thing that, even having achieved it once, there is never any certainty of being able to repeat the performance. There is an element of alchemy involved in creating something out of nothing, willing an idea into existence by conjuring words onto paper. So perhaps, like magicians, we don’t like to reveal our secrets… because the truth is, we have no idea how any of this works. The trick is making people believe we do.   IT Books

I found some excellent quotes from the greats in our industry like Orwell, Atwood, Saunders and others that will hopefully make you feel less of a deer in headlights the next time you stumble over your answer.  You can read the article in full here.

You could be forgiven for thinking that all successful authors are able to transform into sleek, marketing machines the moment their book hits the shelves, but most of us are just fumbling our way through as best we can.  Self-promotion takes practice and is a skill that has to be learned and more often than not, learned the hard way.

Interestingly, Author Lan Samantha Chang has written a wonderful essay on the subject of protecting your inner life as a writer, especially when it comes to promotion.  It can be difficult to navigate your way from lone writer behind a screen to a public author and she questions if perhaps the reason it is so difficult to discuss our art is because the art should speak for itself?

This struggle takes place, I think, because the sincere reaction to making meaningful art is often speechlessness. We make art about what we cannot understand through any other method. The finished product is like a pearl, complete and beautiful, but mute about itself.

Yet, her greatest advice is not to worry.  In traditional publishing, the publisher would have dealt with the day-to-day concerns of getting your book out there.  But nowadays, we are all working as authorpreneurs – we are responsible for creating a platform, generating interest and reaching new readerships.  However, Chang advises that we should keep our writing life separate from our writing career.

The single essential survival skill for anybody interested in creating art is to learn to defend this inner life from the world.

But is there anything we can do to avoid the selective mutism that takes hold when trying to compress several years’ worth of work into a catchy sound-byte?

Many people just want to know what genre your book is, but for a lot of authors, their book doesn’t fit neatly into any one genre.  An author recently told me how she attended a PR course for author interviews and one of the best tips she received was to outline three key points about your novel.  And then learn them by heart, so no matter the pressure cooker situation you may find yourself in, your three key points are burned into your grey matter.  It might not convey everything you want to say about your book, but I think that’s the very reason we find the question so difficult to answer in the first place.  We want people to know why our book is so unique, so different to anything else out there.  But no-one has time for that and it’s a sure-fire way to talk yourself into a word-shaped corner.  Talking about your book should be fun, so I think if you can get past the initial hurdle by using these key points, the rest should be a piece of cake (lol!).